c-c-c-combo breaker!
i just realized it'd been a few months since my last post. further, average number of lj posts per month last year? 1. this year? 1/3. regular writing fail. :x

anyhoo, figured i'd stop in for a revelation: for the longest time, i've used my lj to bitch about problems and day to day life. (or occasionally share something random or awesome...but perfectly honestly, most of my entries since undergrad have been emo. you should know, flist.)

granted, i could be bitching about grad school, or money, or the apartment situation...but, the advisor seems to be happy, the budget seems to be coming together, and if things go well this week i'll have found a place to move to in about 2 months. plus, i've been far too busy spending time with rod (he's way too awesome and i'm a lucky girl :3), cooking lots of delicious food (om *all* the noms?), and teaching my students (sometimes frustrating, but otherwise, precisely what i want to ultimately do with the rest of my life) to take the time to complain.  in other words...aside from some minor snags, life is pretty good--and i've been too occupied with enjoying things to whine. huzzah!

how are you doing, flist?

i'll return to a state of normal after dec 3...hopefully...
*everyone in the math department, for whatever reason, keeps asking if i'm going to use a projector/transparencies/board while giving my orals talk. i have absolutely no clue. little do they know i still haven't figured out what to talk about yet, and probably wasn't going to set it in stone until thanksgiving break...i think this is not a good sign, as it implies that everyone expects i should have something by now. D:

i'm really, *really* hoping that not having to constantly grade, or clean up the apartment, or think of some errand i was supposed to be doing while out will buy me some mental clarity in getting work done while in rva. what i'm more certain will help is definitely the time pressure to get shit done. either way...*crosses fingers* o_O

*i kinda haven't talked to mike in a while...but i guess this is normal. he expressed annoyance at whenever people bother him excessively to see if he's ok or not, so i've kinda left him alone...but i hope he's figuring shit out and doing alright. :/

on a brighter note, though...

*n00bs have been initiated in rocky...and they're all using their cast nicknames on the listserv. it's super adorable :)

*i have new roommates lined up for next year! we probably will start looking for a new place after finals. i'm super excited, esp since i initially was going to look for a 1BR...but this will make things probably a lot cheaper. huzzah! :D

*this month would have probably been a gigantic ball of stress and annoyance had i not had someone to cuddle with through all of it. (w00t oxytocin?) i guess i'm still figuring things out since this situation is still novel to me and all, but this is likely the happiest i've been in a while.

off to work for now, though. maybe one of these days i'll pass for a pseudo-acceptable graduate student...

it's been so long since i've written in this thing that i really don't know where to start.

so...i'll pose a question in lieu of an actual entry (you may recall that my writing style is "lazy bitch") since i can't organize my thoughts well enough atm to write *why* i'm posing the question:

what do you do when you're completely and totally emotionally drained? maybe i'll elaborate later, but i can't focus on a damned thing today. o_O

in a car full of math professors:
"why is the car in front of us slowing?"
"i think there was a beaver."
"a beaver?"
"well, i'm not sure, but it was black and low."

it took *EVERY* ounce of willpower in my body to not reply with a Gary Coleman remark. rocky has permanently ruined me as a person.

if anyone's wondering, there were a bunch of math people in my car because we went on a [mini] group excursion to cade's cove to go hiking. i followed floyd with another carfull of math people there...christ is driving behind your advisor stressful. not that it was particularly likely to happen or anything, but i'm pretty sure if you rear end your advisor's car, you don't graduate. o_O

in other news, the convention is kinda going well? i almost have a program that draws Hubbard trees (albeit not necessarily properly embedded ones) given itineraries. in related news, i kinda want to tear my hair out.

sigh. dead tired from the hike. programming and bed?

so, i wrapped up the semester...kinda. i theoretically was done with spring semester as of monday or tuesday last week when i submitted grades, but have had 10 of my kids contact me to point bargain. (if all it took was asking nicely for me to give you extra points, don't you think that i would have added them already? the median grade was a B- for chrissakes!) hopefully, the last e-mail that i got on saturday was actually the last e-mail that i'll get. *phew*

i've been meaning to get research done in the meantime, but...it's unfortunately been incredibly nice not doing work for a bit. so all this week i've essentially taken a break, save for dealing with my calc kids. oops.

i'm hoping being out of town will help w/ the work ethic. (i'm at a math conference in tn right now.) the trip down was...interesting, at least once i got off the interstate. this area (pigeon forge, sieverville, townsend) is southern as fuck. to get to townsend (woodcraft-gift-shop-and-log-cabin-rental-ville), you have to run a gauntlet of christian thrift stores, and gun outlets in sieverville and townsend.

favorite things from down here so far:

1. the gas station and tattoo place. (wut.)
2. sexy stuf...could you guys really not afford the extra "f" on the end?

sigh. off to bed. math (i.e., pretending i know what's going on) tomorrow!

these moments are why i love teaching:
"M Dog,

I was wondering if you could please hit me up with a retake on Test 5, seeing as I got a 6/10 ( NOT HITTIN ). I would greatly appreciate it if you could so kindly do so. I hope you have a lovely rest of the week, I look forward to learning some new awesomeness in your class tomorrow.

Your biggest fan,


(background: yes, they are allowed up to 2 retakes to improve their grade as it's a way to bend the current makeup policy for their gain...so the e-mail isn't *completely* ridiculous.) can't say i've ever had a kid call me "M Dog" before; do have to say i like it a lot better than "ma'am." XD

"It is well known that..."
"... a closed orbit of a hamiltonian system is preserved under small perturbations of the hamiltonian function, provided that the orbit is nondegenerate in a certain sense.

"...a contact manifold admits a Riemannian metric compatible with the contact structure."

"...the maximal abelian extension of Q is generated by all roots of unity."

"...every Laurent polynomial f(t) in Lambda=Z[t,t^{-1}] with f(1)=1 is the Alexander polynomial of some ribbon 2-knot."

"...the manifold of a Lie group can be furnished, in a natural way, with a symmetric affine connexion, called the 0-connexion, and that the manifold is Cartan-symmetric with respect to this connexion."

"...the ring D=D(A) of k-linear differential operators on an affine k-algebra A is not Noetherian in general."

"...if Sigma is a domain of holomorphy in C^n, then it is a Cousin I domain; it is also a Cousin II domain if and only if H^2(Sigma,Z)=0."

"...the Hubbard tree of a postcritically finite complex polynomial contains all the combinatorial information on the polynomial."

these are all opening sentences of papers published in mathematical research journals. (google for so many more than there should be.)

whiskey. tango. foxtrot. IT IS NOT WELL KNOWN. >_<

lj, i'm not dead. i just haven't had much to write about.
go to kai's and do work (or "work"). go home. go to sleep. go to campus. repeat 5x.
hang out with furries. go home. go to sleep. repeat 2x.

occasionally something different happens, i suppose. if you're a stranger to facebook, i found an apt to share w/ kai for next year (without killing him in the process!). the rocky show went well (even though we no longer have our mascot :/). the garden i'm kicking off for this year is starting to sprout. i'm not sure what exactly it is yet, but with the seminars dr. floyd has been running this semester, i feel like i'm at least starting to carve out an area for my dissertation to be in.

in some ways this [school?] year has been better than last, but in others it's still kinda lacking. i guess i'm happier in some ways, but each time i try to force myself to sit down and work on something, i still kinda wonder if this grad school thing was worth it. each time i go to bed, i end up wondering when i'm going to be able to consider myself baggage free.

i feel like i need to shake things up and fix a few things somehow, but i don't know what i need to do...besides sleep anyway, as it's currently dumb o' clock in the morning.

sigh...g'night flist. may i dream of solutions.

news as of recent:

1. the prelim is passed. i learned after i passed that if you fail a prelim twice, you essentially get kicked out of grad school. erm...glad i learned that after, else i would have been more of a neurotic mess beforehand. anyhoo, this plus my current transcript sets me as being completely done with all of my classes and written exams--hurrah!

now, i only have orals and my dissertation and defense (not to mention um, picking a topic)...for some value of "only", anyway. o_O

2. the apartment i'm currently living in officially went to the waitlist of people looking to move into terrace view at the moment. i don't know if they've officially assigned it to someone else yet, but at any rate...i'm looking for a new place with kai. (...who i can hopefully coerce into actually helping me look for a place sometime before my current lease ends. *HINT*. *HINT*.)

3. my 1206 class seem nice, especially when i'm dealing with them in smaller groups...the sheer number of them still kinda terrifies me tho. lesson planning is still also kinda being a timesuck, and the building i'm in still kinda blows...but it's still early on i guess. and it seems like it might not end up being too bad. i'm hopeful at the moment.

4. completely don't remember what i was researching before my month o' functional analysis. this could be a problem, seeing as how i meet with my advisor tomorrow. >_<

5. not being in haskell's class is kinda nice, but i'm so fried from that prelim still that i don't know what to do with myself. i have the same horrible sleep schedule going that i usually haven't degraded to until midsemester, and about the same feeling of burnedoutness. i think my inability to take an actual longer-than-a-day break over winter break is catching up with me and i kinda don't give a crap...sigh.

one of these days, grad school will have been worth all the stress, right?

if only answers were simple and came to you when you asked, things would be easier. pondering over other things as well, but just don't have the energy to write...off to bed.

classes are done, grades are submitted, and i just need to pack to go home.

that said, i'm not done w/ holiday shopping/baking, and i have a prelim to look forward to on the 16th of next month. man it'd be nice if winter break actually got to be a break :/

at least my immune system seems to like me better when i'm in richmond, and i can try to finally get rid of the last of this stupid cold. and it's supposed to snow which'll make it look pretty tomorrow...

sigh. sleep, laundry/cleaning, lunch, packing, driving to rva. back [very] shortly after new years.


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