burned out.
tired, and sick as well. since the last time i posted (rocky went well btw), de rham cohomology has been eating my life. all of it. i'm really done with this class. i've gotten no research done, and i'm like a month behind in complex analysis. (i'm thinking of just auditing it next semester cause there is no way at this point i can try to take it for a grade.)

i applied for the senior gta position that just opened up since it'd look good on a resume (ultimately, i *do* want to teach, right?), and because i was hoping it'd help me kinda grow a little as an instructor...today, the gta coordinator got back to me today to say that it went to someone else.

today i also e-mailed the guy who arranges preliminary exams to see if i could have some influence on how things got scheduled. essentially, i sent this:

I have a question about scheduling of the preliminary exams. Are they similar to the summer prelims in being the weekend before we head back to school? Also, when will the schedule be set?
I ask because I've recently been invited to a friend's wedding on the 16th of January. I would like to attend, but cannot RSVP until I know what my schedule looks like mid-January.

to which, i got back this:

Hi, Mary,
This confirms that you will take the prelim on functional analysis on Jan 16, 2010 from 1:00pm to 5:00pm in 429 McB. If you have any questions, please let me know.

sigh. gee thanks. :(

i'm also stuck with a bunch of work to do for 1205 (grading and contributing to test writing) that i really just don't feel like working on right now.

is it can be end of semester tiem nao? D: i'm so fucking sick of school.

i'm gonna go crazy.
i'm a week and a half behind on my understanding of the stuff we're doing in complex analysis, haskell decided to make this week's homework look about twice as long as his usual homeworks, my 1205 kids have a test this wednesday, and there are two rocky dress rehearsals midweek that i'm still sewing costumes for.

my classes and research are supposed to come first and all, but
1. i don't want my kids to fail (i've been holding extra office hours for them), and
2. i've been looking forward to rocky all year and don't wanna play frank in front of 200+ people topless. o_O

time, why is there not more of you in this week? :(

dear gray hairs that i plucked out earlier today,
fuck you... i'm not old yet D:
mary w.

if i appear to have dropped off of the face of the earth, it's because i'm still sick. two *full* bottles of dayquil in one week, and i am still coughing bits of my lung up. LAME. i guess at least it appears that i'm getting pseudo better.

not to mention i showed up to teach this morning and someone had written "we hope you feel better ms. wilkerson!" on the board. my class is so. effin. adorable. :D

that is all. back to work for the week!

sick :/
go figure i get very roughly a 4 day weekend with fall break (no classes on thursdays, and friday is a break day), and the day prior to said 4 day weekend i get sick. for the most part it's nothing but a cough, but the cough gives me a sore throat...so much so that i've downed 1/3 bottle of dayquil since i went out and bought the stuff last night.

bleh. i guess i may have ruined my weekend, but in the middle of a busy semester, this was probably one of the best times for me to go ahead and get sick. o_O


i figured i'd update to let people know that i'm not completely dead. (some parts are still alive. *some.*) i've been on a cycle of struggle to do homework at kai's, go live in mcbryde for a few hours, repeat 5x, hang out with kai & co. on the weekends. as far as grad school/living in mcbryde/studying goes,
*i'm still slow on research (i am swimming in a veritable sea of prerequisite materials that as of yet seem to have very little in relation to each other)
*i've developed a conjecture which states that i'm only capable of understanding one of the two classes i'm taking at any given time, and
*it's sounding like it's expected that i shoot for making up the functional prelim in january even though i have no clue when i'm supposed to study for it between now and then. at least on the upside,
*i'm for all intents and purposes tutoring people in 3-,4-, and 5000 reals right now. at least *something* these days makes me feel pseudo competent o_O

but, yeah...the lack of updates is due to the fact that for the last several weeks i've done pretty much exactly the stuff listed above. life is kinda monotonous. go figure that a few days ago when i stumbled across one of those dumb little facebook quizzes it floored me when there was a question that asked something along the lines of "which sounds most like your life?" with "usually exhausted, stuck in a cycle of obligations, and longing for escape" as an answer choice. ouch, accuracy. i guess at least the weekends aren't too bad.

sigh...back to work. or sleep. something like that...

something's missing.
or maybe it's everything. i'm entertained enough with friends and teaching classes, but i'm still feel kinda empty and am falling behind in my own work.

ugh. back to fucking up on haskell's impossible homework...

tired mary was tired
conversations i had with drunk people last night:

1. one on the interplay between math/economics, which turned into a discussion on theoretical vs. applied knowledge, which turned into a discussion on philosophy and free will.
2. one on the dynamics of my and kai's [sexual?] relationship. (HA)
3. one on horrible drivers, which somehow morphed into why both i and the other party feel awkward socially when around new people.

on a pseudo-related note, for a short stretch of last night i was being introduced *only* to people who shared names with guys that i've slept with. i mean, i was introduced to like 6 or 7 people last night, but smack in the middle (in order!) i met a mike, then a brian, then a joe. WEIRD.

anyhoo, i need to wake up (i slept through two text messages this morning...i *never* do that), and then figure out how to be productive now, though...getting 4 hours of sleep thursday night/friday was not happy and needs to not happen again this week. off to shower and grab lunch. (breakfast? brunch?)

ah, seminar...

dr. brown: "ah, the united states as it really should be, eh?"
dr. floyd: "well, it does make texas smaller..."

lol...my advisor is *awesome*. :D

(image stolen from cannon/floyd/parry's "the length-area method and discrete riemann mappings," for anyone who cares.)

there's a whiteboard right outside my cubicle in 461 mcb. one of the last times kai came by for homework stuff, he wrote something along the lines of "Mary <3" on it. i was just looking at it, and squiggled in immediately to the left is now a tiny little "-3<", so that it now reads "-3<Mary<3".
i'm not entirely sure who the culprit is (they're likely an element of {kai}U{math grads}U{my 1205 kids}), but they apparently decided that my absolute value is less than three. lol.


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